she likes kissing girls

24 Mar 2025 - Emily Zhou

who are a little shorter than her. she likes the feeling of kindness she gets when drawing someone’s face up with her hands, when someone melts a little into her. she likes when someone takes the lead on being soft. when she was younger she kissed a few girls who were taller than her, when that was a novelty, and because it was a novelty she tried to talk herself into enjoying it as much as she liked kissing girls shorter than her. someone has to be the taller one she reasoned. she was of average height but usually very confident so it worked out that she was able to kiss many girls who were shorter than her without ever saying outright that she was looking for them. there were other things she looked for in the girls she wanted to kiss but that was a big one. she didn’t think about it too much and went on for a few years kissing girls shorter than her and falling in love with a few of them. her life made sense to her. one night she was introduced to the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen who was nearly the same height as her. they were so similar in height that it was hard to tell which one of them was taller and which one was shorter. they would have had to get very close to each other in order to tell which one was taller and which was shorter, they were that similar. they did this, standing very close facing each other so their friends could close the case, and it was still inconclusive. both of them said they were the taller one. of course they were then very close to each other so they were able to look into each other’s faces quite closely and both of them decided that the other was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. she took the other girl home with her that night and the other girl spread her equivalently-sized body out on the bed that took up most of her little bedroom and smiled coyly at her as she stood in the doorway. she joined her in bed and they kissed and pressed their bodies close to each other for a while. it didn’t seem like things were going to go much further than that because both of them were very tired, so they just held each other and stroked each other’s clothed bodies under the covers. it was cold in the little bedroom but soon both of them felt quite warm. as they were comfortable with each other they took off their clothes and piled them on the floor next to the bed and got close again, kissed a bit more and talked in low voices about nothing at all. they hardly knew each other still so they spoke vaguely and made nervous jokes. at this point she was sleepy but she was noticing that she couldn’t get quite comfortable in body even though she was comfortable in mind. she was noticing too that the other girl seemed content and calm. usually when she was in her own bed with another girl she was the one who wrapped around the other girl and in this case her and the other girl were wrapped around each other, like two equivalently-sized pieces of string in a braid. it wasn’t unpleasant but she knew that she couldn’t fall asleep this way, the way she usually could. under the covers their bodies seemed to compete for space. she noticed in an increasingly abstract way their other similarities. the other girl’s ribcage, which nudged its way out of her front at the same angle as hers, and the flat expanse of her upper chest above her breasts. these were all ordinarily superficial similarities but now they were the ways that her and the other girl didn’t fit together in the right way. this made her think about men for the first time in a long time. not that she felt like one, just that she wondered what it was like for them. this was a small problem in the grand scheme of things for a girl who likes kissing other girls but the part of her that was always a bit sad suddenly had the thought that men and women were in some sense built to lay together and women and women weren’t. men are usually if not always taller than women, and some deity or some equivalent impersonal force had done that on purpose, because of moments like this. in their infinite generosity the girls who like kissing other girls have invented so much for each other, but there were only so many ways two bodies fit together. so, the discomfort. the other girl sighed into her neck and lay one of her thighs over her thighs. normally this sort of thing made her want to melt but this time she was sadly occupied. she was thinking about how this girl’s thigh which was the same size and shape as hers would find a more natural way to rest on her body if she were a man. as it was the top of the other girl’s thigh poked into her hipbone and the rest of it pressed uncomfortably directly down onto her legs. it was nice but it wasn’t perfect and she imagined it would have been perfect if she was a man. the other girl’s arm was on her naked chest and it covered too much of the space of her naked chest, it extended too far downward and upward. her elbow was pressed into her stomach, etc. this had to be a problem in some sense for many if not all of the girls who like kissing girls all the way back to the dawn of girls and she wondered about the discomfort of this specific moment, which was just one instance of an eternal moment. in this way she got further and further away from herself until the other girl with her became an idea of another girl. by the time this happened she was lost in what she thought was the universe but was really just herself. then all she could do pull away so they could fall asleep separately and in the morning never think of this again.